Nostalgia

Tomorrow, Zachary and I will have been together for eleven whole months. It certainly doesn't feel like it has been that long - maybe 3 months? 

We got together on the twenty fourth of July, 2007, it was a Tuesday night. But this eleventh month-ivesary marks the start of the growing realization that I perhaps (definitely, don't-want-to-admit-it-to-myself) was falling for someone.

You see, Zac had started talking to me as far back as April.. we connected because we were both playing at all of the Easter services at our church that weekend. I think there was seven of them, so we had a lot of time hanging backstage getting ready for our part. He was playing guitar, and I was playing with a giant jigsaw puzzle/art piece. He had a Mac, I had a Mac.. for me it all started from there.

I should write Steve Jobs a thank you note.

So that was the first non "you play guitar like a freak" conversation that we had. From that I realized that he was actually quite mature for his age and there was something really sad about his experience at church - he had no community outside of the worship teams. That was okay, but no one had really reached out to connect him.

So I started inviting him out as part of the crew - post church dinners, dinner parties, everything. He was in planning stages for the church's upcoming album (like I said - a freakishly talented and young musician) so often he said no.

I kept asking. He eventually started saying yes when he could and we all hung out a couple of times but we didn't really talk. I was kind of hoping the amazing guys in our group would connect with him so I wouldn't have to! Zac was definitely interested in me at this point in time, but he was too busy to think about it too much.. Then things got really busy towards June as the conference I was helping organize and the recording were happening at the same time in a couple of weeks time - eek!

The conference happened. The recording happened. Zac played like a freak and I was suitably impressed with the sheer level of his skill:age ratio. But what I really saw over that weekend was the joy inside him, being released to play well and being told not to hold back at all.. I noticed his heart and his humility too. My best friend Sarah and I had started considering him to be a part of our group, and we would often comment that he was one of those "amazing young guys".

In the weeks immediately after the recording I would come home from work to find that Zac was on MSN and I distinctly remember being about to go offline and turn in for the night when Zac sent me a message. Previously I had always sort of felt like I should be "leading" Zac, or helping him but this time I had this thought pop into my head that I am pretty sure was God "How about you just listen to him tonight?"

So I listened as well as you can via text messaging on msn. I was surprised and delighted to learn we had similar views about all different things, that our backgrounds were similar (both pastor's kids, both nerds) and that those three hours flew by. He was very mature and I didn't feel like I was talking to someone 3-4 years younger than me..

I said to Zac at the end of that conversation that, for some reason, I found it easier to talk with him that a lot of other people. He said he felt the same way and that was that, we went to bed.

Zac came online more often (apparently he would sign in all the time, just long enough to check if I was online, if not he would sign out again because "what's the point?") and I was reluctant to admit to myself that I would do the same thing. We started talking more and more, then it was most nights. Then it was until quite late most nights.

I realized that I was falling for him when I went away for a weekend with the girls. I had always been resolute that my four best girlfriends were the best relationship anyone could ask for - they still are and I'm so blessed. But I couldn't shake this feeling of missing talking to Zac.

I sent him a couple of very random text messages while I was away, they made him laugh and they gave me butterflies whenever I pressed the 'send' button. I was starting to realize it. I definitely had a crush.. but it was more than a obsession. I just missed Zac's company and his words.

We got back from our weekend away I organized a night out to see a friend's band play (this was the first time I did something just so I could see Zac). We spent the night standing nervously standing next to each other making little comments about music and weird dancers etc. When it came time to leave Zac and I parted company (he had gotten a lift with someone to the Claremont Hotel). We said good bye and gave a little hug and we walked off in opposite directions. I was a little nervous walking by myself, a few girls had been abducted here a decade ago, so I was absolutely petrified when I heard someone running after me. I looked up and saw the shadow.. phew, it was Zac. It was Zac? It was Zac! Oh my gosh! When he caught up he said that he had told Ann that he didn't want me to walk by myself - of course she agreed. I dropped him home, and we talked all the way and said slow goodbyes.

I organized for a bunch of people to watch rugby the next day. Originally we were going to watch it at sports bar, then we changed to watching at a friend's place - more comfortable!

I messaged this friend early on the morning to confirm and he said that he couldn't have people over anymore. DARN IT! What was I going to do with all the people wanting to watch the rugby?

I messaged Zac, he had cable, he had couches. Zac said "sure, come over". I kept checking if it was okay, I really didn't want to put him out.. but he graciously let us all come over.

People came in and out all day. Our team lost. Then we watched the New Zealand game. I watched Zac get up to answer the door and that's when the weirdest thing happened..

God: So there he is, what do you think? 

Me: Like, he he? Oh my gosh oh my gosh.. I don't want to think about. Sick feeling. Butterflies. Err, did you really just say that God?

New Zealand lost too. We were all squished on the couches and covered in cushions, I rested my head on Zac's shoulder. He told me later that it freaked him out but he liked it :) Then we stayed to watch the Socceroos lose. Pathetic day for sport. A day of watching a 90 minute rugby game turned into a 10 hour sports fest. I had ten hours with this amazing guy and my friends.

When I was leaving Zac asked if I was "on the weekend" at all. I was painting during all the services so I would be there from early until late. Zac told me he was playing all services too. We got there early, completely smashed from the previous day of emotional tension and early morning rehearsals. We slept on the couches backstage and woke up at the right times each service to do our thing. During the second morning service I heard Zac make a massive (for him) stuff up when he was playing. I looked over and it looked like something was going on - like he was having a moment or something..

I asked him if he was alright when he got offstage, all he said was that God was messing him up and he kept quite reserved about it. I found out later that he had felt God say "that's her, that's the one".

We talked again online on Monday night, and Tuesday rolled around and all the creative teams got together at the church. Zac sat with me and by this time we both knew that there was a high chance that the other liked us. That night we talked on msn again.

Clare: I kinda told God I wouldn't date until the end of the year because I was so sick of not getting into relationships for the right reason

Zac: you know, I would wait for you

Clare: you would? for me?

Zac: yes

So on Tuesday night, 24th July 2007. We decided we would go out.

Zac had a friend's album launch to play at the next night. I went along with my friend and watched Zac grin like and idiot during all the love songs. He told his mum about us that day. She was a little more interested in me than usual (we work together).

I told my parents a couple of days later. Their response?

Clare: there's a boy

Dad: what's his name?

Clare: Zac

Dad: good name, what's his last name?

Clare: Gageler

Dad: Gageler? *calls out* Hey Monica, didn't we organize to have dinner with them ages ago? When is that?

Mum: This Friday night

So the two mothers work together and whenever I walk past and they happen to be talking, they immediately change the subject to dowrys or baby names or in-law responsibilities.

A week later Phil (Zac's dad) held HR personality testing for my entire workplace. I got personality tested by my boyfriend's dad! Two weeks into going out with him!

Our parents regularly catch up for dinner. Weeeiiiiirrrd that they started being friends just before Zac and I did and we had no idea about it.

All of our friends were like "what the hell? did not see THAT one coming" but once they got over the initial shock, they saw how good it was for both of us..

It's a weird and wonderful way to start a relationship.. but now it's eleven months on and I'm glad I have a record of it somewhere...