Stretchy

This month has been the month of stretchy. Not only have I gained wait (I'm pretty sure?!?!) but my responsibilities have increased quite quickly because of some circumstances at work.

Oh, and I'm in the middle of exams.

I've had several people who I've been talking to so that I keep sane. One thing I find myself saying a lot is "It isn't that these things are hard or arduous on their own, but it's the act of balancing them all I'm struggling with".

Some parts of me are afraid that I will burn out and head into depression again because of all the work I'm doing at the moment. It's these parts that freak out when another task lands in my inbox, or I realize another assignment is due this week.

But there is another part too. This part loves the thrill (not just the adrenaline, mind you) but the thrill of something new, of feeling my shoulders getting broader and knowing that my synapses are connecting faster than they have in a long time.

I choose to dwell on the latter-mentioned part of me. I don't want to become so afraid of being hurt again that I shy away from a being stretched into a bigger life.

I find that when I make this choice (and I need to make it daily, if not hourly) the worry of whether I am good enough for my various roles melts away. I remind myself that it isn't me who stretches myself, but God. He is the only one who can increase my capacity. If I try and take on extra responsibility without Him being involved, that is when disaster strikes. It is only through His grace that my nose stays above water and more than that, I can enjoy the water and have fun testing the depths with Him by side.

Now to get on a diet!